Most Hilarious and Funny Sarcastic Quotes Collection

Most Hilarious and Funny Sarcastic Quotes Collection

It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself and the problems you face in life. A sense of humor can save you.

  1. Satire is not a social dynamite. But it is a social indicator: it shows that new men are knocking at the door. Jacob Bronowski

  2. I enjoy slaughtering beasts and I think of my relatives constantly. Roger Zelazny

  3. You’re only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz

  4. Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain

  5. Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.

  6. A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’. Robert Heinlein

  7. Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. Ray Romano

  8. The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. Oscar Wilde

  9. Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.

  10. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

  11. It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas in order to be unhappy. Groucho Marx

  12. Family is like that annoying itch you can't scratch.

  13. It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself and the problems you face in life. Sense of humor can save you. Margaret Cho

  14. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Steven Wright

  15. Crazy is a relative term in my family!

  16. Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

  17. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself. Ethel Barrymore

  18. This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.

  19. Effective satire has to be almost identical to the subject that it is skewering. T. J. Miller

  20. Tomorrow is a satire on today and shows its weakness. Edward Young

  21. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. Steven Wright

  22. After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. Shrek

  23. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

  24. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

  25. We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein

  26. Conventional show-biz savvy held that Americans hated to be the objects of satire. Carroll O’Connor

  27. I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity. Edgar Allen Poe

  28. A family without a black sheep is not a typical family. Heinrich Boll

  29. It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. W. Somerset Maugham

  30. The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin

  31. My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. Walter Matthau

  32. Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?

  33. If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable. Carrie Fisher

  34. After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.

  35. If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.

  36. You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.

  37. No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. Maxwell

  38. In my youth I thought of writing a satire on mankind! but now in my age I think I should write an apology for them. Horace

  39. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.

  40. Siblings: Children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together. Sam Levenson