- Satire is not a social dynamite. But it is a social indicator: it shows that new men are knocking at the door. Jacob Bronowski
- I enjoy slaughtering beasts and I think of my relatives constantly. Roger Zelazny
- You’re only as good as your last haircut. Fran Lebowitz
- Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain
- Life is like a roller coaster, and I’m about to throw up.
- A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being ‘frank’. Robert Heinlein
- Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. Ray Romano
- The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. Oscar Wilde
- Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot.
- I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
- It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas in order to be unhappy. Groucho Marx
- Family is like that annoying itch you can't scratch.
- It’s good to be able to laugh at yourself and the problems you face in life. Sense of humor can save you. Margaret Cho
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Steven Wright
- Crazy is a relative term in my family!
- Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.
- You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself. Ethel Barrymore
- This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
- Effective satire has to be almost identical to the subject that it is skewering. T. J. Miller
- Tomorrow is a satire on today and shows its weakness. Edward Young
- Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. Steven Wright
- After a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. Shrek
- When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.
- Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
- We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Albert Einstein
- Conventional show-biz savvy held that Americans hated to be the objects of satire. Carroll O’Connor
- I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity. Edgar Allen Poe
- A family without a black sheep is not a typical family. Heinrich Boll
- It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. W. Somerset Maugham
- The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin
- My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more. Walter Matthau
- Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?
- If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true, and that’s unacceptable. Carrie Fisher
- After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.
- If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.
- You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.
- No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. Maxwell
- In my youth I thought of writing a satire on mankind! but now in my age I think I should write an apology for them. Horace
- Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.
- Siblings: Children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together. Sam Levenson
40 Best Funny Quotes To Brighten Up Your Day
You must not think that a satiric style allows for scandalous and brutish words; the better sort abhors scurrility.
40 Funny Quotes & Sayings for a Good Laugh
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.