- You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. Art Buchwald
- Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.
- Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own; which is the chief reason for that kind reception it meets with in the world, and that so very few are offended with it. Jonathan Swift
- I found your nose. It was in my business.
- If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. Billy Wilder
- When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.
- Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard
- Please cancel my subscription to your resurrection.
- The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.
- Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!
- Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! Groucho Marx
- In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’. Margaret Laurence
- Satire’s my weapon, but I’m too discreet To run amuck, and tilt at all I meet. Alexander Pope
- I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my key, pen, cell phone, temper, and even my mind.
- At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Ann Landers
- Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ’em. Emilie Autumn
- If someone asks, ‘Are you crazy?’ Simply reply, ‘Yes.’ Boom. End of discussion.
- If you ran as much as your mouth did you'd be in good shape
- Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don’t even work at.
- Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. Daniel J. Boorstin
- In general satire, every man perceives a slight attack, yet neither fears nor grieves. George Crabbe
- The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin
- Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
- I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me. Matt Groening
- If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. Theodore Roosevelt
- My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.
- I didn’t fail the test. I just found ways to do it wrong. Benjamin Franklin
- Satire is not a social dynamite. But it is a social indicator: it shows that new men are knocking at the door. Jacob Bronowski
- The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it. Erma Bombeck
- In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry'. Margaret Laurence
- Let's have a family gathering for the remaining family members who still talk to each other.
- Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.
- If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.
- Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers
- People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
- My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.
- What is done cannot be undone. William Shakespeare
- Satire, being levelled at all, is never resented for an offence by any. Jonathan Swift
- Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. Charles M. Schulz
- Satire or sense, alas! Can Sports feel? Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel? Alexander Pope
40 Best Funny Quotes To Brighten Up Your Day
You must not think that a satiric style allows for scandalous and brutish words; the better sort abhors scurrility.
40 Funny Quotes & Sayings for a Good Laugh
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.