40 Snappy Hilarious Quotes You May Like To Read

40 Snappy Hilarious Quotes You May Like To Read

  1. You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. Art Buchwald

  2. Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

  3. Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody’s face but their own; which is the chief reason for that kind reception it meets with in the world, and that so very few are offended with it. Jonathan Swift

  4. I found your nose. It was in my business.

  5. If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you. Billy Wilder

  6. When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.

  7. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

  8. Please cancel my subscription to your resurrection.    

  9. The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.

  10. Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

  11. Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse! Groucho Marx

  12. In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’. Margaret Laurence

  13. Satire’s my weapon, but I’m too discreet To run amuck, and tilt at all I meet. Alexander Pope

  14. I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my key, pen, cell phone, temper, and even my mind.

  15. At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Ann Landers

  16. Some are born mad, some achieve madness, and some have madness thrust upon ’em. Emilie Autumn

  17. If someone asks, ‘Are you crazy?’ Simply reply, ‘Yes.’ Boom. End of discussion.

  18. If you ran as much as your mouth did you'd be in good shape    

  19. Have some fun with your life. Call in sick to places you don’t even work at.

  20. Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. Daniel J. Boorstin

  21. In general satire, every man perceives a slight attack, yet neither fears nor grieves. George Crabbe

  22. The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin

  23. Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.

  24. I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me. Matt Groening

  25. If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. Theodore Roosevelt

  26. My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there is a new strain out there.

  27. I didn’t fail the test. I just found ways to do it wrong. Benjamin Franklin

  28. Satire is not a social dynamite. But it is a social indicator: it shows that new men are knocking at the door. Jacob Bronowski

  29. The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it. Erma Bombeck

  30. In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry'. Margaret Laurence

  31. Let's have a family gathering for the remaining family members who still talk to each other.

  32. Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.

  33. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.

  34. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers

  35. People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.

  36. My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.

  37. What is done cannot be undone. William Shakespeare

  38. Satire, being levelled at all, is never resented for an offence by any. Jonathan Swift

  39. Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use. Charles M. Schulz

  40. Satire or sense, alas! Can Sports feel? Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel? Alexander Pope