- Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it. Gene Perret
- As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett
- A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. Denis Waitley
- Satire is a composition of salt and mercury; and it depends upon the different mixture and preparation of those ingredients, that it comes out a noble medicine or a rank poison. Francis Jeffrey, Lord Jeffrey
- Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P. J. O’Rourke
- People are like music. Some speak the truth, and others are just noise. Bill Murray
- Fools are my theme, let satire be my song. Lord Byron
- When television producers say it is the parents' obligation to keep children away from the tube, they reach the self-satire point of warning that their own product is unsuitable for consumption Gregg Easterbrook
- Sorry… to have met you.
- There are only two things a child will share willingly — communicable diseases and his mother’s age. Benjamin Spock
- The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together. William Shakespeare
- I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast? Jeff Lindsay
- I went to the general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Steven Wright
- Yeah, I’m a pacifist. I’m about to pass a fist across your face.
- A sitcom isn't usually the right tool for satire. Chris Morris
- I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde
- I wish more people were fluent in silence.
- My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
- For Halloween, I’m going to be emotionally stable. No one is going to know it’s me.
- Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. Joan Crawford
- Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble. Martin Mull
- If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room. Confucius
- People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world.
- These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead. Chuck Palahniuk
- My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.
- Don’t be so humble — you are not that great. Golda Meir
- There is a place in this world for satire, but there is a time when satire ends and intolerance and bigotry toward religious beliefs… begin. Isaac Hayes
- If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. George Bernard Shaw
- If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. The Dalai Lama
- Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
- The day my mother told me zombies eat brains, I knew I was living with one.
- Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy. Cynthia Nelms
- Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us. Stephen Colbert
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself and hates them for it. George Bernard Shaw
- Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Will Rogers
- My only advice is to stay aware, listen carefully, and yell for help if you need it. Judy Blume
- I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.
- Jiu-Jitsu because choking people is illegal.
- When satire flies abroad on falsehood’s wing, Short is her life, and impotent her sting; But when to Truth allied, the wound she gives Sinks deep, and to remotest ages lives. Charles Churchill, Satire quotes in life
- An apple a day keeps anything away if you throw it hard enough.
40 Best Funny Quotes To Brighten Up Your Day
You must not think that a satiric style allows for scandalous and brutish words; the better sort abhors scurrility.
40 Funny Quotes & Sayings for a Good Laugh
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.