40 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcastic Thoughts

40 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcastic Thoughts

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.


  1. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

  2. You know what I like about people? Their dogs.

  3. People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.

  4. By rights, satire is a lonely and introspective occupation, for nobody can describe a fool to the life without much patient self-inspection. Frank Moore Colby

  5. It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln

  6. When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.

  7. My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.

  8. Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts. Wayne H

  9. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston Churchill

  10. Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.

  11. We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way. Samuel Beckett

  12. I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde

  13. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns

  14. My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.

  15. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe. John Stewart

  16. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Oscar Wilde

  17. There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. Mindy Kaling

  18. Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers

  19. How many times do I have to teach you: just because something works doesn’t mean it can’t be improved? Black Panther

  20. Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first. Steve Irwin

  21. The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so. Gore Vidal

  22. We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw

  23. It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.

  24. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. Oscar Wilde

  25. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson

  26. The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. Oprah Winfrey

  27. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

  28. You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!

  29. Repeating quotes from funny movies doesn’t make you funny.

  30. Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. John Lennon

  31. I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. Groucho Marx

  32. I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg

  33. That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin

  34. Satire is a kind of poetry in which human vices are reprehended. John Dryden

  35. Be the reason someone smiles today… Or the reason someone drinks. Whatever works.

  36. For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors. Jeff Foxworthy

  37. You play the victim. I’ll play the disinterested bystander.

  38. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde

  39. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club)

  40. Thanks for calling me to tell me that you just sent me an email.