40 Amazingly Funny Quotes To Make You Smile

40 Amazingly Funny Quotes To Make You Smile

Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee.

  1. They say each day is a gift! Well, I want to know where customer service is so I can return this one.

  2. Satire must always accompany any free society. It is an absolute necessity. Even in the most repressive medieval kingdoms, they understood the need for the court jester, the one soul allowed to tell the truth through laughter. Joe Randazzo

  3. The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst. Marge Kennedy

  4. Lead me not into temptation. I know the way.

  5. Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Stephen Colbert

  6. I think comedy and satire are a very important part of democracy... or vanities of people in power. Rory Bremner

  7. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

  8. The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. Dolly Parton

  9. One of the things that bind us as a family is a shared sense of humor.

  10. Keep rolling your eyes, you might just find a brain back there.

  11. Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams? Orson Welles

  12. Find your patience before I lose mine.

  13. Never let an angry sister comb your hair. Patricia McCann

  14. Being part of a family means smiling for photos. Harry Morgan

  15. Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

  16. Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. Evan Esar

  17. Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. Maya Angelou

  18. The feathered arrow of satire has oft been wet with the heart’s blood of its victims. Benjamin Disraeli

  19. Having a child makes you a parent; having two, you are a referee. David Frost

  20. Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that. Ellen DeGeneres

  21. Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

  22. I am not young enough to know everything. Oscar Wilde

  23. Friendly satire may be compared to a fine lancet, which gently breathes a vein for health’s sake. Samuel Richardson

  24. Satirists do expose their own ill-nature. Isaac Watts

  25. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest. Oscar Wilde

  26. Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dogs.

  27. You cannot choose your family but you can choose to ignore their phone calls.

  28. My alone time is sometimes for your safety.

  29. You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out. Jerry Seinfeld

  30. Tomorrow is a satire on today, And shows its weakness. Edward Young

  31. My boss used to be my star but then I realized that people appear bright until they speak. Funny sarcastic quotes like this are brilliant. Below are some of the best sarcastic quotes to make you laugh hard.

  32. Marriage is a bliss for people who aren’t in it.

  33. I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.

  34. This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. Lorrie Moore

  35. In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat. Anna Quindlen

  36. I’m just out here surviving and what I’m doing right now won’t even matter.

  37. Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. Terry Pratchett

  38. I send pointless emails late at night to impress coworkers.

  39. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. John Wayne

  40. In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent. Robert Brault